*blows dust off blog*

Alive? ALIVE!

Ok, this blog is still alive, as well as its lazy-ass owner. College can be such a time-consuming whirlwind of activities and culture shock, y'know.

Speaking of college, I'll only be able to go online every week when I go home from the dorm, so I don't even see the point of reviving this blog right now but anyway, just letting inexistent people who actually visit this site know that I'm alright. Surviving in BS Math in the University of the Philippines Diliman wasn't as tough as I thought... at least for now.

So, may sunog sa kabilang kalye...

I was Facebooking and Tumblring peacefully tonight when suddenly, biglang sabi ni Tita from the outside: "Hala, may sunog!" When I pulled the curtain back (the computer was near a window facing the street), sure enough, the sky was swirling with a thick column of glowing smoke, with bits of flaming scrap raining down from the sky. Forgive me for being insensitive, but my very first thought was: it's so beautiful.

Being a typical usyuserang Pinay, siyempre I dashed outside the house ng nakasando lang and wow, I've never seen hell before but it looked stupefying right there and then. That was when bigla kong naisip that some of my friends could be burning there in that stupefying hell right now, and sure enough, a few minutes later, I see my childhood best friend come down the street sobbing. I immediately rushed to hug her and ayun, lahat daw ng ipinundar nila, lahat ng possessions nila, andun, going up in flames. Ang sabi ko na lang, at least ligtas sila ng mama and little sister niya. Nasusunog na kasi yung bubong nila, tulog pa sila. Kung wala lang sumigaw ng sunog, siguro tostado na rin sila roon. Nasusunog na yung bubong nila, tulog pa sila. I never thought something so tragic could be happening so near, and almost claimed someone so dear...

I lent her my slippers since naka-paa lang siya, so I instead had to go barefoot as my brother and I got as close to the scene as possible (of course :D). I missed strolling barefoot, lalo na because the road got slimier as we went nearer (siyempre, tubig from the fire trucks). As we walked back up naman, the dusty ground dried my feet off. Siguro, more than just the nostalgia of going around on foot, I did it to commiserate with the people? I don't think may classes tomorrow sa school sa tapat ng bahay namin, since it looks like an evacuation center already.

Between 9:30 and 10 PM, around two hours after the fire started, naapula na yung apoy, but now there are throngs of homeless people out in the streets. Mommy thought of adopting a family for a night, but Tita spoke against it. Hindi raw naman kasi namin sila kilala, and you can never tell if they'd be decent, grateful guests, thieves, or long-time freeloaders. Over-all, we're just thankful the fire didn't reach us (the wind was blowing in our direction nung malakas pa yung apoy O_O), but still, being so near such a disaster, seeing everybody crying and ambling away carrying what they could save, ALMOST LOSING MY BEST FRIEND, brought a sort of catharsis to me. I'm not kidding, only a freak accident or a lobotomy could make me forget this night.


PS: Inuwi-uwi ko pa yung English book and notebook ko, di rin naman pala ako makakagawa ng assignment. Oh well.

Random Ramblings of a Granddaughter Who Got Left Behind

My first  memory of her was a bad one. I was about three years old, and I was sleeping over at Ninong Eric and Ninang Badeth's house with Ninang Chris and Nanay. It was time for bed, and I was  innocently reading a prayer hanging on the wall as a bedtime prayer, not knowing it was a prayer for couples who want to thank God for their prosperous togetherness. Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain on my foot. I turned around and saw Nanay pinching me, and with a very grave face, she said "Ang kulit kulit mo talaga!!" I searched her face to see whether she meant the statement to be an endearment or not, but her face remained stern and unsmiling. I was confused, for I haven't really done anything bad at all that day. My brain failed to understand the situation, and so, like any sensible toddler, I cried.

My last memory of her couldn't really be classified as good, either. She was lying by the corner, a blanket draped over her body and her head and shoulders the only things visible. In contrast with the memories of the plump, jolly woman known to all of us as Nanay Sinang, my mind kept stubbornly telling me that the forlorn skeleton before my eyes was not my grandmother, even if I knew that she was. So I sat beside her, not really knowing what to do or say. I asked Ate Jean and Ate Jassen, who helped Ninang Chris take care of her, how long it had been since she refused to eat or drink anything. They said that it started on New Year's Day. Suddenly, Nanay hoarsely whispered (my mind: Hear that voice? That's not your Grandma!) "'Nak, pasensya ka na ha, wag muna kayo dito sa tabi ko magbulungan. Ayaw ko ng maingay." That was the very last thing she ever said to me.

Yet, when I stood there yesterday morning by her coffin, gazing at her frail, frail body for the very last time, I couldn't think of anything except the times that she used secretly slip P100 bills into our hands before we go home, the times she fawned over us when we were sick, how she loved us all despite our noise, our shortcomings, our imperfections... For the very first time since the Wednesday morning I woke up to the news of her death, I let all my self-control go and bawled my soul out.

We promised her we wouldn't cry. I looked around with misty eyes and saw my grown-up, macho cousins shedding manly tears. That was when I realized, this is the first time I remember all of us, the whole Fabian family (minus Tito Taba, who was in the Middle East, and Ninong Eric's family, who stubbornly refused to come until the very end), in one place, weeping our hearts out with a common grief.

Throughout Nanay's wake, we had been like one big happy family. Not kidding, the Chapel already feels like a second home to us. It was the first time I remember bonding with my cousins like that. We explored the cemetery at midnight. We sucked Kuya Dino's broadband internet dry. We watched Fate/Stay Night: Unlimited Blade Works and Dante’s Inferno and FlipTop and Harry Potter: Goblet of Fire and whatever else we could find in Kuya Kevin’s and Neil’s USBs, since there was no internet. We sang the Indian Nipple Song and Benny Lava and played retarded, made-up card games until the sun rose again.

In short, we did everything in our power to delay the inevitable, acrid despair, the biting agony that would hit us the moment when we’ll all realize that Nanay is gone forever, that we’ll never hear her sweet laugh and her maternal voice ever again, see her and feel her familiar, motherly aura, hug her and let her warmly hug us back. In the end, all we could do was stand back and sob as the machine deposited her into the chamber. We would have gone mad if we didn’t cry, after all.

Despite all the suffering we were going through, at least we can bet that Nanay is happy. Tatay has been inviting her to come with him for a long time now, and she only complied this Wednesday. I showed everyone the picture of Nanay I took before she was cremated, and she was smiling. Seriously.

Being the horrid granddaughter that I am, I think I’ll miss the fun times we had at the Chapel more than I’ll miss Nanay. The Chapel days may not happen again for a long time (someone even suggested we sacrifice one family member a month to relive the Chapel days, but of course I... err... she was only kidding), but Nanay will always be with us, staring down at us with her beloved Tatay, reunited at last after 11 years of being apart. I bet they’re shaking their heads right now at me this very moment, telling me to go to sleep because it’s 11pm and I have loooooots of things to make up for tomorrow. As I can’t think of anything more to say, I’ll leave this matter to rest now.

We love you so much, Nanay. If not for you, none of us would be here at all. We’ll miss you so much, have fun on the other side, and always keep watch with Tatay over us, okay? ♥

Our Kitten is Dying :((

Paggising ko kanina, ang pinakaunang sinabi sakin ng kapatid ko "Ate, dali, baba ka na diyan. Nabalian ng leeg yung isang kuting natin. LEEG, hindi leg" and I was like "...ha?"

Yun pala, sinakmal ng aso namin yung isa dun sa tatlong kuting. We have 3 kittens kasi - isang black and white and dalawang orange. Yung isang orange yung nadali. Grabe, paikot-ikot yung ulo niya. Parang pinipilit niyang tumingala pero di kaya ng leeg niya :(

Never before in my life did I want to flog a dog before. Flog a dog. I wish this murderous intent would pass, I seriously don't like it Dx

What's worse, meron kasi kaming isa pang inadopt na pusa. The kittens like her, but the mommy doesn't. Since laging nakadikit kay Sleepy (new cat) yung mga kuting, nung nilapit namin si Miki (mommy cat) sa injured kitty niya, inaangilan pa niya!

Buti na lang mababait yung mga kapatid nung kuting. They stayed by her side and licked and cleaned her. Parang alam nila na there's something wrong with her, and seriously, they never left her side :'((

Pag-alis namin kanina sa bahay, tabi-tabi pa silang natutulog na tatlo eh. Now I'm afraid to go back home...

WHY NO CANON PIRI-TAN YET?!

Why am I so bitter about this? <_<

Yeah, I know it's only a matter of time before Himaruya posts new country-tans, but I was kinda surprised that he drew both Malaysia and Indonesia without Philippines ;A;A;A;



Despite the fact that Malaysia looks exactly like me before I cut my hair there are finally some new nation-tans (meaning, there are bound to be more), I still feel my country's lack of presence ;A;

Ang unfair kasi malaki rin naman yung part natin sa war and history. We were Spain-oyabun's only colony in Asia (kung tama yung nabasa ko) and colony rin tayo ni America. Also, yung mga most requested countries daw yung drawings na ginawa niya. What about the Philippines? There's a whole community of us waiting for our Hetaliafied Piri-tan. Plus thousands of others who aren't on LJ.

I hate to think of it this way, pero parang the whole Philippines hoax thing back then could be the reason why he doesn't make us yet TT3TT

This is the bad side-effect of being 9000x more patriotic because of Hetalia - it hurts when they're not there TT^TT Sabagay, meron din namang ibang bansa na mas malaki ang naidulot sa mundo na wala pa ring personification... hmm...

NO, I AM NOT ENVIOUS :I